Choose Courage over Comfort? Yikes!

“Daring leaders choose courage over comfort.” When I first came upon that saying in Dare to Lead, it felt like a big challenge, but I knew deep in my heart that it was true.

You see, I like peace and harmony. I like to feel even-keeled. I like to keep things easygoing and pleasant. Making waves is a scary proposition to me. I’d rather stay safe and comfortable, thank you very much.

I’ve been around the block a few times, so I have learned that choosing comfort, while it makes me feel safe and secure at the moment, can lead to discomfort and stress in the long term. It can also create the opposite of what I want. Relationships matter to me, and choosing comfort over courage can hurt a relationship.

I once worked with someone who consistently took credit for my ideas. Although I was really upset and angry, I was afraid of talking with her. Ironically, I was afraid of upsetting her by saying I was upset. (How human, right?) I spent many a sleepless night trying to come up with just the right words to use. Then, one day, a golden opportunity presented itself - she asked me out to lunch. I carefully prepared and rehearsed what I was going to say. We walked to the restaurant, and I said nothing. We sat down and ordered our food, and still I said nothing. I was simply too afraid. I imagined our relationship would end then and there. I ended up putting it off, and we never did have that conversation. And, not surprisingly, our relationship withered on the vine when we took different jobs.

Looking back, I regret not speaking up. By not addressing my colleague directly and by silently stewing about it, I missed an opportunity to make things right. To take a stand. To demand respect. To give important feedback to a member of my work team. And, most importantly, to strengthen our relationship. While choosing comfort was helpful in the short term, it did not make things better in the long run. I missed an opportunity to grow my self-respect and leadership and to grow our relationship.

Today, when I feel the urge to withdraw and not bring something up for fear of making someone angry, I tell myself: “No pain, no gain.” I ask myself, “What is more important than my discomfort?” and “What really matters here?” I also reassure myself that not only will I survive, but I will also thrive. And so will my relationships.